I would like to make a toast to my Disney Channel TV series life.

Although I don't feel as if I have anything interesting to say nor enough time to say it, I have begun a blog. I was not familiar with the practice until I was coerced to manage my boss' blog; however, I am a little bit excited to share my thoughts to whomever cares (or needs some entertainment). I never considered my life funny until I began to share stories with friends at BYU. I quickly gained the reputation that my life is a Disney Channel television series. I don't know what that means but I'll pretend it's a good thing. I can usually get a laugh when I mention my dating life, too. Just ask me about my experience in blind dates. I loathe them, yet my roommates claim they have never met anyone who has been set up on more than I. Why do people set me up? Do I look desperate? Lonely? Really, I'm not. I don't particularly dream of a dating life like that of a nun's, but I'm not sure I needed the blind date experience I gained from Nubs, Chips and Salsa and 6' 7". Let me explain.
My friend, Mekayla Daw, is married. Below is a picture of her on her wedding day with her bridesmaids (Janessa is on the left--she also comes into play in this story).

Mekayla was nearly engaged this summer when her older sister, Mekenzie, wanted to set her up with a friend from the U. When Kayla realized that dating anyone else besides Kip was not an option, she turned to my single friend, Janessa, deciding to set her up with the man from the U. Janessa, of course, didn't want to go alone on a date with a strange man, so she pulled me along and asked the U man to get a friend to take me out. The fateful day arrived and I excitedly readied for the date. The doorbell rang and on my porch I found two men with Janessa. John (name has been changed) held out his hand to introduce himself and I cheerfully told him it was nice to meet him, I'm Kelsey. I then turned to the man whom I assumed was my date. I held out my hand to shake his and he held his out--unfortunately, he didn't have a hand. I blinked approximately two times and stared at the Nub hanging out for me, and he simply said, "Go ahead, just shake it. Shake it like a paw!" Fighting back the urge to go inside, shut the door and hide under my bed covers, I grasped his paw and shook it firmly, laughing it off in hopes of easing the nearly tangible awkwardness in the air. Poor Janessa was fighting to hold back her laughter because as I later came to find out, she, too, had been surprised at the handless handshake and had stood there and stared at it for a while before realizing she had to shake it. Needless to say, the rest of the date was unique. We enjoyed dinner at the classy Applebees and then retreated to my date's house where the boys decided to watch a scary movie (presumably in hopes of getting us scared enough to cuddle with them. Unfortunately for my date, I was more afraid of the Nub than the movie). Poor Janessa got caught in the arms of John the Octopus, so as they got cozy during the dumbest scary movie ever (don't see The Orphanage), I sat comfortably in my own space; my date had unfortunately sat with his Nub side nearest to me. Good luck holding my hand, buddy. Now, honestly, the date was fun and he was a nice guy. I was just sincerely thrown off by the handless handshake that began the evening. Surely I won't be surprised by any blind date again, right?

Wrong. Chips and Salsa definitely threw me for a loop. I was set up by a married friend with her husband's best friend and the plan was to get a group of people and go shooting. I had never gone shooting before so I was pumped. They drove up with my date in the back seat of a severely tinted car, so I felt his eyes checking me out as I stood with the rest of the group in the driveway and squinted in vain to see him. He sat in the car much longer than necessary and finally got out. Impressive. The guy was good-looking, although his style was a far cry than what I was accustomed. He sported a Hollister t-shirt and designer jeans. I hate to judge and categorize, but...I admit I got a good feel for what I was dealing within that first 5 seconds. We then went shooting and he enjoyed showing off his shooting skills with the smallest rifle there. Ooh. I took my turn with the huge shotgun and knicked a clay pigeon--a feat about which I was very proud. Dinner at Chili's was next and the boys were watching the game while the girls chatted. My date then began quizzing Janessa (yes, she was on this date, too) and me on sports facts, as if I care. Sure, I like sports, but I don't memorize the players' names nor the stats. I'm in school and I don't have a working television. Gimme a break. He was looking down on me for not knowing my sports players and soon I got a little annoyed and I began quizzing him on facts that he presumably wouldn't know. It wasn't too hard. The chauvinist began to get a bit indignant that I knew stuff that he didn't and he finally dipped a chip in the salsa and shoved it in my mouth, cutting me off midsentence (and cutting my mouth). Aww, cute. Somehow, throughout the night, he became interested in me (ya, I don't know) and he told me to drive us all home merely because he discovered I could drive a stick. When I wasn't going, he rubbed his hand all the way down my leg to my foot on the gas pedal and pushed. I about had a conniption and, needless to say, we arrived home in very good time. The best part? When he asked if he could call me again sometime and I just stared at him for a moment and said, "Uh huh," and strolled inside to the safety of my home.

My wonderful friend, Mary, is also married, and being the sweet girl she is, wanted me to be happy like her. She then decided to set me up on a date with a nice guy in her ward. She informed me that he was 6' 7" and good-looking, so I was looking forward to feeling small for once in my life. The date began nicely enough: we chatted for a while on the couch and found a love for reading in common. I liked that. He then asked me, "You know what I miss? I miss two things: having a girlfriend and being on a mission. I guess I can't have both, huh?" He laughed at his own joke as I shifted uncomfortably on the couch. The date continued and we got drinks from Jamba Juice and strolled in the nice weather. He then asked me in front of Mary and her then fiancee, "Kelsey, what do you look for in a man?" I looked at him with a blank face and slightly open mouth, grasping for something to say. Was he going to get out a piece of paper and jot my list down? What if I said, "I like a guy who is 6' 2". Oh, I guess not you!!" Or what about, "I like guys to be tall...about 6' 7"...and they have to like reading. Hey, we're perfect for each other!" Either way would have turned out really awkward. Poor Mary, in an effort to salvage the moment, began joking what she would like in a man, listing the qualities of her fiancee. We laughed and the subject was tossed aside, thankfully. Mary is the blushing bride below.

Now, although these sound excrutiating, I had fun and gained some good experience. Plus, I have some good stories to get a laugh. My life--it's a Disney Channel TV series and I love it. Somehow, when ridiculous things happen, there is always something about which to laugh and it all turns out alright, suspiciously like Even Stevens or That's So Raven. Maybe someday they'll make it a TV show. For now, I'll just enjoy sharing the stories.